Okay, so I’ve started this post over and over and I kept trying to write as though there was nothing on my mind. No matter how I started this post, it just didn’t seem real and honest. So guys I’m going to be honest because there are a lot of thing I’m not honest about on here. For instance, names, my name isn’t Ivory like it says in my WordPress profile, and Luke’s name isn’t Luke. I censor names so that I can protect identities, but by doing so I’m lying about those names. I’d never make up anything about my life though, all the stories I tell you are true, I only censor names. However, occasionally I leave out details (not on purpose) I just forget that you guys don’t actually know me. So right now, I’m going to be painfully honest (painful for me).

I moved. I took my life and ripped it out of the house that I lived in for years and years and I just placed it into a new apartment. The reason for this is that my mom and stepdad split up. They didn’t get a divorce my mom just decided that she needed time to herself. She told me that she was miserable, and she wouldn’t want to see me that miserable so she figured that I would want her to do whatever she needed to make herself happy again. It’s true, I would do anything to make anyone happy. I can’t stand to see people upset. So we moved. Not far, just across town. I still go to the same school, not much has changed except my address. However, one more thing that has changed is my mom and dad. Not my stepdad either, my actual dad. He constantly tries to get me to move in with him, and he constantly asks what my mom is doing and how everything is and what her friends are doing. He wants to catch her being a bad mother so that he can tell the family court judge. He hates that we moved, not because he’s concerned about me, but because he hates having to face the extra ten minutes of traffic it takes to get to where I live now. You may think that that’s ridiculous, that’s because it is. But it’s true, every time he comes to pick me up he mentions the awful traffic and how because my mom decided to move she should be the one dropping me off at his house. Next, how my mom has changed. She’s more spiritual. Every day she puts a new quote on our chalkboard, she has decided that she wants to go to church every Sunday, and she just has a different air about her. Nevertheless, she doesn’t seem any happier. I’m honestly pretty numb right now, I don’t know how to feel. I did write something, I’m not sure if I’d call it a poem, but I’m going to share it with you in the next paragraph.

I’m no construction worker, but I was proud of the last project that I built. I poured blood, sweat, and tears into this project for years and years. When something went wrong or broke I could always fix it and most everything had a place. But yesterday I disassembled my project and watched as it was precariously shoved into a Ryder van that drove off. I watched my life’s work drive down the road until I could no longer see the massive red and white vehicle that stole my everything. The entire process took about twenty minutes. My entire life was just taken apart and moved in 1,200 seconds. That’s no time at all. I had built a life and it was just taken down and transported somewhere new. Somewhere that has no memories seeping out of every pore. A place where I’d never fallen down the stairs and given my mom a heart attack. Somewhere that I haven’t spent hours and hours practicing songs and perfecting my art. A place where I have never cried nor laughed. A place that means nothing to me whatsoever. For now.

Okay, I hope you enjoyed that haha. If you’re going through something similar or anything at all and you want someone to talk to, comment that and I’ll be here for you. Alright guys I have spent two days writing this, I have to post it now. I hope that you appreciate my honesty or that you think something when you read this. That’s my goal, I want people to think and feel something when they read my writing. Before I get too deep again, bye.


Liebster Award!!

Liebster Award Photo
Okay, okay, okay, I am freeeeaking out. I was nominated by Em (check out her blog, she was nominated too and she’s great) over at http://ateenagersmemoir.wordpress.com for a Liebster Award!! So, honestly I am still slightly confused about all this, but the rules are
The Liebster Award Rules:  
You must link back the person who nominated you.
You must answer the 10 Liebster questions given to you by the nominee before you.
You must pick 10 bloggers to be nominated for the award with under 200 followers
You must come up with 10 questions for your nominees to answer.
You must go to their blogs and notify your nominees.
My ten questions are:

1) What is your worst habit?

My worst habit would be my OCD. I have to do things evenly. If I eat one chip, I have to eat another. If I take three steps, I have to take one more to be even. I hate OCD so much, because it’s really just a bad habit that I need to break.

2) What is the one thing that you will never do again?

I will never jump off my shed onto the trampoline again….. Okay, I climbed on top of my shed and jumped off onto my trampoline and underneath my trampoline is metal bars and concrete….. Yeahhh not my best idea, but it was still fun for a minute.

3) What happened the last time you cried?

Last time I cried was because my nephew and niece had left to go back home. They live in Seattle I live in New York. I spent a week with them and I couldn’t bare it when they left. I curled up under my comforter with a pint of sea salt and caramel ice cream and cried in the dark.

4) If you could have one superpower for one day, what would it be and what would you do?

If I could have one super power, it would be the power to heal anyone who is sick. And all that day I would heal every sick and suffering person.

5) What is your most embarrassing moment?

Oh embarrassment, there are so may embarrassing moments in my life but at the top would be this one time in first grade. I was reading at my desk before class when all of a sudden I didn’t feel good. So I literally said to the kid next to me, “I don’t feel good, I should put this book away.” I put the book away, sat down, and proceeded to barf all over my desk. Then I nicely raised my hand and asked to go to the nurse. I had to carry  tiny trash can because I couldn’t stop puking….. poor first grade me.

6) If you could go back in time, what advice would you give to your younger self?

My blog is all about giving advice to others, but advice to myself is kind of difficult. I’m the person people go to when they need help, but I never help myself, I’m more of a suffer in silence (and then later post my issues on here haha) person.
I guess if I were to give a younger me advice, it would be to not let people walk over yourself….. myself….. whatever haha. I always let people take advantage of my niceness and I sort of wish I wouldn’t. Everyone thinks that I will just do everything to make their problems go away and I do because I let them walk all over me like I’m some kind of door mat.

7) What is the most scariest thing that has ever happened to you?

I am so easily frightened. People just say “boo” and I freak out. The scariest thing to happen to me though is when for a whole month when I was younger I would go to sleep all normal tucked in and then wake up with my entire bed flipped around. My pillows would be on the wrong side, the blanket flipped around, and even I was facing the wrong way. It was so weird and after a few weeks of this happening, it just stopped as suddenly as  it started.

8) What was happening the last time you were really nervous?

Last time I was nervous was when I was going to sleep away camp for the first time. I wasn’t nervous until I was signed in and at my cabin. I had got the last top bunk and all the other girls just stared at me, like full out stared.

9) What would people be surprised to learn about you?

People are always surprised when they find out I listen to Eminem, Sublime, and Kid Cudi. My cousin introduced me to these kinds of music during the summer at the wee hours of the morning. We would listen to these songs on repeat over and over. So when I hear the old Eminem, Sublime, and Kid Cudi, I think back to when I was little drunk on soda and cheese doodles, just chilling. Whenever people find out that though, their eyes pop out of their head and they say stuff like, “but you’re such a good girl, those songs have swearing and bad things in them.” It’s really funny to see their reactions.

10) What is your most favourite thing to do?

My favorite thing to do is write. When I’m alone in my room, blasting music at 2 am writing like my life depends on it, it’s the most bliss thing in the world. Writing is my release, my drug, and me all wrapped up together. It makes me feel important and like I have something worth putting down on paper for the world to see. Writing is the way I feel connected, when I write it’s like anything is possible, like infinity is possible. Nothing is too difficult to overcome, and I’m not alone. I feel connected to the past, present, and future as I write the skeletons in my closet and the golden light peeking through the windows in my mind.

I had way too much fun with that last question haha. Alight, now I have to nominate ten other bloggers. That is going to be hard. So first I’m going to write down my ten questions fir my nominees to answer.

1. If you could have dinner with one celebrity that has passed who would it be and why??

2. What’s the happiest moment in your life so far??

3. Why did you start blogging??

4. If there was a soundtrack to your life what five songs/artists would be on it and why??

5. What’s your dream job??

6. If you could drop everything right now and go anywhere in the world would you?? If yes, where would you go?? If no, why not??

7. Do you have any regrets?? If so, what do you regret??

8. Coke or Pepsi??

9. If you could live the life of any fictional character from a book, movie, or TV show, who would it be and why??

10. Are you superstitious?? (Ex. no walking under ladders, Friday the 13th, broken mirrors etc.) Why or why not??

Okay, now here are my nominees:










These are the blogs I find worthy of nomination. There are so many others I wish I could have nominated, but I can only nominate 10. Good luck to all my fellow nominees and thank you Em for nominating me!! You are officially an awesome person.
-adviceateleven ❤