Honestly


Okay, so I’ve started this post over and over and I kept trying to write as though there was nothing on my mind. No matter how I started this post, it just didn’t seem real and honest. So guys I’m going to be honest because there are a lot of thing I’m not honest about on here. For instance, names, my name isn’t Ivory like it says in my WordPress profile, and Luke’s name isn’t Luke. I censor names so that I can protect identities, but by doing so I’m lying about those names. I’d never make up anything about my life though, all the stories I tell you are true,¬†I only censor names. However, occasionally I leave out details (not on purpose) I just forget that you guys don’t actually know me. So right now, I’m going to be painfully honest (painful for me).

I moved. I took my life and ripped it out of the house that I lived in for years and years and I just placed it into a new apartment. The reason for this is that my mom and stepdad split up. They didn’t get a divorce my mom just decided that she needed time to herself. She told me that she was miserable, and she wouldn’t want to see me that miserable so she figured that I would want her to do whatever she needed to make herself happy again. It’s true, I would do anything to make anyone happy. I can’t stand to see people upset. So we moved. Not far, just across town. I still go to the same school, not much has changed except my address. However, one more thing that has changed is my mom and dad. Not my stepdad either, my actual dad. He constantly tries to get me to move in with him, and he constantly asks what my mom is doing and how everything is and what her friends are doing. He wants to catch her being a bad mother so that he can tell the family court judge. He hates that we moved, not because he’s concerned about me, but because he hates having to face the extra ten minutes of traffic it takes to get to where I live now. You may think that that’s ridiculous, that’s because it is. But it’s true, every time he comes to pick me up he mentions the awful traffic and how because my mom decided to move she should be the one dropping me off at his house. Next, how my mom has changed. She’s more spiritual. Every day she puts a new quote on our chalkboard, she has decided that she wants to go to church every Sunday, and she just has a different air about her. Nevertheless, she doesn’t seem any happier. I’m honestly pretty numb right now, I don’t know how to feel. I did write something, I’m not sure if I’d call it a poem, but I’m going to share it with you in the next paragraph.

I’m no construction worker, but I was proud of the last project that I built. I poured blood, sweat, and tears into this project for years and years. When something went wrong or broke I could always fix it and most everything had a place. But yesterday I disassembled my project and watched as it was precariously shoved into a Ryder van that drove off. I watched my life’s work drive down the road until I could no longer see the massive red and white vehicle that stole my everything. The entire process took about twenty minutes. My entire life was just taken apart and moved in 1,200 seconds. That’s no time at all. I had built a life and it was just taken down and transported somewhere new. Somewhere that has no memories seeping out of every pore. A place where I’d never fallen down the stairs and given my mom a heart attack. Somewhere that I haven’t spent hours and hours practicing songs and perfecting my art. A place where I have never cried nor laughed. A place that means nothing to me whatsoever. For now.

Okay, I hope you enjoyed that haha. If you’re going through something similar or anything at all and you want someone to talk to, comment that and I’ll be here for you. Alright guys I have spent two days writing this, I have to post it now. I hope that you appreciate my honesty or that you think something when you read this. That’s my goal, I want people to think and feel something when they read my writing. Before I get too deep again, bye.

-adviceateleven

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COMPUTERS SUCK


I am still having technical issues ūüė• I am sooooo sorry, I do love you guys but computers don’t love me. Anyways, Renne and Justin still aren’t together, but it’s a working process. Also, I’m in a new play!! I’m not going to say what play, however it is one that isn’t just kids and teens. This is a serious play with adults (I’m the youngest cast member!!) Today is my first rehearsal, wish me luck. I know two people in the play, a Russian boy (he’s here in America on a foreign exchange program) and my wifey (in another play I played a boy and she was my wife) other than that I don’t really know anyone :/ I’m nervous, but I’m sure I will be fine…. I hope. Alrighty, update on Luke time. He is still the cutest and best boyfriend ever, but DRAMA. A girl (my good friend Cassie) told him that he turns her on…….. yeah, needles to say she isn’t much of a good friend…. But, I don’t want to make things awkward, she doesn’t know that I know that she said that, and Luke told her that it made him feel uncomfortable and she shouldn’t say things like that because he’s in a committed relationship…… and I didn’t tell him to say that…… yepp perfect boyfriend ‚̧ Also, she apologized to him, and I think I’m just going to appease her for now, and see how things go. I may/may not regret this decision later, but such is life.

Okay, now I’ve just done what I normally do, given you an update, and then a problem and what I’m going to do to solve it (Hopefully you learn from my life) However, maybe some of you don’t care about Renne and Justin, or you absolutely love to hear about Luke. Basically, I want to know who you want to hear about. I can do a whole post about them and maybe you’ll like it haha. So go through my posts and find someone that you want a full, full, full update on. Maybe you want to know what happened to Connie, or Rebecca, or Trevor (ew). I could also introduce you to someone new, the possibilities are endless. In fact, there are two people I could introduce you to, you can choose from either Tara or Christian. So come on, pick someone, majority rules.

-adviceateleven ‚̧

Gamers Unite!!


Alrighty, it’s time my blog expands to involve more than just the people like me. I’m talking about the gamers. You’d probably never guess that I’m a gamer, well that would be because I’m not. However, Luke is strongly encouraging me to branch out and call to my inner gamer. Luke (my boyfriend for those of you who don’t know) is a hardcore gamer. He is such a gamer that he has a team of fellow gamers. He’s been trying to recruit me for ever, but I don’t have an Xbox so impossible. Well actually, my step brother just got an Xbox so I guess I somewhat have one now.

Anyway, his team is called ShadowTeam, and if you’re a serious gamer then you should check out his website and maybe join his team.

His team is only for Xbox (sorry those of you who play PlayStation) and I probably won’t explain it well, so I’ll just leave a link for his website towards the end of this post.

This whole branching out thing has got me thinking. My blog is very directed towards writers and shy people and well, the people like me. I don’t have much for gamers or jocks or preps. (Sorry that I’m using stereotypical labels, it’s just easiest.) I believe I need to do something for people who aren’t like me. I’ve toyed with the idea of having other writers, but honestly this is my blog and I wouldn’t feel comfortable having other people write here. I guess the only way for my blog to branch out, is for me to branch out. I should start writing things for other types of people, and to do so I need to start getting out of my comfort zone.

I don’t know, I’m starting to think this idea is stupid. Maybe I’ll try it, maybe I won’t. Let me know what you think. Should I try to widen my horizon?? Or should I just stick to what I know?? Who knows what I’ll do, I don’t even know.

Okay, sorry for those gamers who are just itching to check out Luke’s team website. I know I made you read through all of this, but you made it this far so you can wait a little longer. So, in the news of my latest poem (the haiku) it still needs a title people!! Look at my last post, read the poem, think of a title, tell me the title. Should I choose your title as the one I’ll be using, I will write a post all about you and your blog. I will even follow your blog. If you have no blog then I will just write a post about you and your awesomeness.¬†

Finally!! Relief for the poor gamers who have waited so very long. Here’s the link.
Oh crap and Luke isn’t his real name, it’s the name I give him on here to protect his and my identities. So if you call him Luke and he has no clue what you’re talking about…. sorry haha. Good luck,

http://icestripe2398.wix.com/shadowteam

-adviceateleven

Love Poem


I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want to write for my next poem and well, I’m thinking about doing a love poem. It can not be cliche though. It needs to be fresh and original, something new. Or maybe I’ll just forget the love poem…… I’m much better at depressing and inspirational poems.¬†
I also really need to continue writing my novel I am so behind. I keep saying that yet here I am, writing on my blog instead of in my novel. Eh, maybe I’ll write after breakfast, I’m hungry haha. It’s 10:10 and I haven’t gotten out of bed yet…. but I woke up at 7:00…….¬†
I also need to finish reading this book. It’s called Legend,¬†and it is¬†awesome.¬†Speaking of books, I should recommend some to you guys. The¬†Born at Midnight¬†series is incredible. Also, I’ve been trying to read the¬†House of Night¬†series and it’s pretty good.¬†
Well, I need food xD okay byee.
-adviceateleven 

New Stuff


Okay, I’m going to put myself out there. Close my eyes and really take a leap of faith. What I’m going to do could either be steroids to my confidence or be another wrecking ball hurtling towards the torn and shredded self esteem left in me. Alright so I’m being a wee bit melo-dramatic. All I’m really going to do is add tags to my posts. I hope that by adding tags, my blog posts will pop up on like search engines and what not. You know you type in, tags, and there this post is.

Anyways, I’m in a good mood. It may be late at night, I may be surrounded by crumpled and crushed kleenex due to my allergies to who knows what, and yeah I may have just been bawling my eyes out (no doubt I’ll be paying for that when I wake up with red, puffy eyes). However I have not let the current circumstances put a damper on my mood. Yup, it’s all sunshine, unicorns, and pretty music. (Plus I still got my sense of humor!!) So due to my blissful temperament I’m going to update you guys on the good in my life at the moment.

So, the sunshine I would say is this song I’ve been listening to. It also happeneds to be the cause of my uncontrollable crying. This song is pretty old, but regardless of its age I intend to learn how to sing this song, and I have been practicing for days. Lovely by Sara Haze is this song that I am head over heels for. Its meaning is simply put yet beautifully said with a cascading voice and soft piano tones. I’m absolutely enchanted by this song.

Next, the unicorns. Which would also be yet another reason for my tears. I’m starting some summer acting classes at a collage close by. I’m so excited, yet it means I will have to give up time well spent with my friends. Also, the next week I’m going to a sleep away camp. No phone, computer, or friends.

Ah the pretty music (I guess this one should be the song but whatever, it’s my blog I do what I want haha). The pretty music would have to be Luke. He makes me happy and he happens to be the reason the bawling stopped. Who would have thought one smile he put on my face could turn around my night completely?? I sure didn’t. I don’t know how he does it, he makes my heart feel like it’s having helium pumped into it and any second my body will join my head in the clouds. Of course it isn’t always picnics on cloud nine. Every once in a blue moon we disagree, and we get depressed, and I fear he will realize that there’s no way in this universe I will ever be good enough for him. How he puts up with me, is a mystery I’ll probably never solve, and one I don’t think I want to solve.

Dang, do I sound like a lovesick puppy or what???????? Actually can I be a lovesick kitten?? I think they’re cuter haha. (I’m kinda hoping he doesn’t read this post…. I sound so girly and eh needy, ehhhh my good mood’s gone I’m seriously considering deleting this entire post and just crying again. No, I said I would put myself out there, well world here I am) Okay so now that my pep talk to myself is over I will get to the meaning of this post. Basically there’s so much freaking bad in this world of ours. Crying, allergies, divorce, poverty, starvation, death. But man, just look at the wondrous good as well. Music, education, a smile when it seems as though you’ll never experience anything other than a frown ever again. Yeah, there’s a heck of a lot of bad, but the good is worth sticking around for, trust me.

-adviceateleven ‚̧