Honestly


Okay, so I’ve started this post over and over and I kept trying to write as though there was nothing on my mind. No matter how I started this post, it just didn’t seem real and honest. So guys I’m going to be honest because there are a lot of thing I’m not honest about on here. For instance, names, my name isn’t Ivory like it says in my WordPress profile, and Luke’s name isn’t Luke. I censor names so that I can protect identities, but by doing so I’m lying about those names. I’d never make up anything about my life though, all the stories I tell you are true, I only censor names. However, occasionally I leave out details (not on purpose) I just forget that you guys don’t actually know me. So right now, I’m going to be painfully honest (painful for me).

I moved. I took my life and ripped it out of the house that I lived in for years and years and I just placed it into a new apartment. The reason for this is that my mom and stepdad split up. They didn’t get a divorce my mom just decided that she needed time to herself. She told me that she was miserable, and she wouldn’t want to see me that miserable so she figured that I would want her to do whatever she needed to make herself happy again. It’s true, I would do anything to make anyone happy. I can’t stand to see people upset. So we moved. Not far, just across town. I still go to the same school, not much has changed except my address. However, one more thing that has changed is my mom and dad. Not my stepdad either, my actual dad. He constantly tries to get me to move in with him, and he constantly asks what my mom is doing and how everything is and what her friends are doing. He wants to catch her being a bad mother so that he can tell the family court judge. He hates that we moved, not because he’s concerned about me, but because he hates having to face the extra ten minutes of traffic it takes to get to where I live now. You may think that that’s ridiculous, that’s because it is. But it’s true, every time he comes to pick me up he mentions the awful traffic and how because my mom decided to move she should be the one dropping me off at his house. Next, how my mom has changed. She’s more spiritual. Every day she puts a new quote on our chalkboard, she has decided that she wants to go to church every Sunday, and she just has a different air about her. Nevertheless, she doesn’t seem any happier. I’m honestly pretty numb right now, I don’t know how to feel. I did write something, I’m not sure if I’d call it a poem, but I’m going to share it with you in the next paragraph.

I’m no construction worker, but I was proud of the last project that I built. I poured blood, sweat, and tears into this project for years and years. When something went wrong or broke I could always fix it and most everything had a place. But yesterday I disassembled my project and watched as it was precariously shoved into a Ryder van that drove off. I watched my life’s work drive down the road until I could no longer see the massive red and white vehicle that stole my everything. The entire process took about twenty minutes. My entire life was just taken apart and moved in 1,200 seconds. That’s no time at all. I had built a life and it was just taken down and transported somewhere new. Somewhere that has no memories seeping out of every pore. A place where I’d never fallen down the stairs and given my mom a heart attack. Somewhere that I haven’t spent hours and hours practicing songs and perfecting my art. A place where I have never cried nor laughed. A place that means nothing to me whatsoever. For now.

Okay, I hope you enjoyed that haha. If you’re going through something similar or anything at all and you want someone to talk to, comment that and I’ll be here for you. Alright guys I have spent two days writing this, I have to post it now. I hope that you appreciate my honesty or that you think something when you read this. That’s my goal, I want people to think and feel something when they read my writing. Before I get too deep again, bye.

-adviceateleven

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