My Apologies


Heyyyyy, I am so sorry. I haven’t been on in months, but I have an excuse. My laptop died. I’m on my stepdads computer and i’m being all secretive, I can not have my parents find this blog. Anywaysssss on to happier stuff. I’ve finally found friends to sit with at lunch, yepp I’m that cool sophomore sitting with two seniors and a junior 🙂 They’re hipsters in denial though, they refuse to sit in the upperclassmen lunch room, because it’s stupid and everyone sits there. So yay for me!! Me and the junior, Abbey, are trying to get the seniors, Renne and Justin, together. They are perfect together. End of story, it is meant to be. She’s had a crush on him for 4 years, and it’s obvious he likes her. Our goal is to get them together by prom. He absolutely refuses to go to prom……. wish me luck haha. Omigosh for Christmas I got him the best gift. I made something really awesome for Abbey, and for Renne I got her a quote book that she loves, but I had no clue what to get Justin. He loves Pink Floyd, and when he’s upset he draws a brick wall, and adds a brick every time. So I got my dad to draw a brick, and I gave him that. He, loved, it. Like a lot, I thought he might throw it out, but he actually put it in a folder, and hung it in his locker. The kid loves his brick xD 

Okay now for an update on my guy. Luke, is, the, best, boyfriend, ever. He is so cute, and he’s extremely considerate. My last boyfriend, Trevor, said a whole bunch of nice words to me. It felt like a dream when he told me such beautiful words, but actions speak louder than words. He was controlling, childish, and disrespectful. However, Luke doesn’t have flowery words, he looks me in the eyes, he holds my hand tight and takes as long s possible when he has to let go, Luke holds me when I cry, he tries to understand when I’m sad. He doesn’t realize how much he means to me, or how much his actions effect me, and sometimes he gets depressed, and then I get depressed. He’s different in the best way, and he makes me happy.

Alrighty, now it is time for me to take my leave. See you soon!!

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Liebster Award!!


Liebster Award Photo
Okay, okay, okay, I am freeeeaking out. I was nominated by Em (check out her blog, she was nominated too and she’s great) over at http://ateenagersmemoir.wordpress.com for a Liebster Award!! So, honestly I am still slightly confused about all this, but the rules are
The Liebster Award Rules:  
You must link back the person who nominated you.
You must answer the 10 Liebster questions given to you by the nominee before you.
You must pick 10 bloggers to be nominated for the award with under 200 followers
You must come up with 10 questions for your nominees to answer.
You must go to their blogs and notify your nominees.
My ten questions are:

1) What is your worst habit?

My worst habit would be my OCD. I have to do things evenly. If I eat one chip, I have to eat another. If I take three steps, I have to take one more to be even. I hate OCD so much, because it’s really just a bad habit that I need to break.

2) What is the one thing that you will never do again?

I will never jump off my shed onto the trampoline again….. Okay, I climbed on top of my shed and jumped off onto my trampoline and underneath my trampoline is metal bars and concrete….. Yeahhh not my best idea, but it was still fun for a minute.

3) What happened the last time you cried?

Last time I cried was because my nephew and niece had left to go back home. They live in Seattle I live in New York. I spent a week with them and I couldn’t bare it when they left. I curled up under my comforter with a pint of sea salt and caramel ice cream and cried in the dark.

4) If you could have one superpower for one day, what would it be and what would you do?

If I could have one super power, it would be the power to heal anyone who is sick. And all that day I would heal every sick and suffering person.

5) What is your most embarrassing moment?

Oh embarrassment, there are so may embarrassing moments in my life but at the top would be this one time in first grade. I was reading at my desk before class when all of a sudden I didn’t feel good. So I literally said to the kid next to me, “I don’t feel good, I should put this book away.” I put the book away, sat down, and proceeded to barf all over my desk. Then I nicely raised my hand and asked to go to the nurse. I had to carry  tiny trash can because I couldn’t stop puking….. poor first grade me.

6) If you could go back in time, what advice would you give to your younger self?

My blog is all about giving advice to others, but advice to myself is kind of difficult. I’m the person people go to when they need help, but I never help myself, I’m more of a suffer in silence (and then later post my issues on here haha) person.
I guess if I were to give a younger me advice, it would be to not let people walk over yourself….. myself….. whatever haha. I always let people take advantage of my niceness and I sort of wish I wouldn’t. Everyone thinks that I will just do everything to make their problems go away and I do because I let them walk all over me like I’m some kind of door mat.

7) What is the most scariest thing that has ever happened to you?

I am so easily frightened. People just say “boo” and I freak out. The scariest thing to happen to me though is when for a whole month when I was younger I would go to sleep all normal tucked in and then wake up with my entire bed flipped around. My pillows would be on the wrong side, the blanket flipped around, and even I was facing the wrong way. It was so weird and after a few weeks of this happening, it just stopped as suddenly as  it started.

8) What was happening the last time you were really nervous?

Last time I was nervous was when I was going to sleep away camp for the first time. I wasn’t nervous until I was signed in and at my cabin. I had got the last top bunk and all the other girls just stared at me, like full out stared.

9) What would people be surprised to learn about you?

People are always surprised when they find out I listen to Eminem, Sublime, and Kid Cudi. My cousin introduced me to these kinds of music during the summer at the wee hours of the morning. We would listen to these songs on repeat over and over. So when I hear the old Eminem, Sublime, and Kid Cudi, I think back to when I was little drunk on soda and cheese doodles, just chilling. Whenever people find out that though, their eyes pop out of their head and they say stuff like, “but you’re such a good girl, those songs have swearing and bad things in them.” It’s really funny to see their reactions.

10) What is your most favourite thing to do?

My favorite thing to do is write. When I’m alone in my room, blasting music at 2 am writing like my life depends on it, it’s the most bliss thing in the world. Writing is my release, my drug, and me all wrapped up together. It makes me feel important and like I have something worth putting down on paper for the world to see. Writing is the way I feel connected, when I write it’s like anything is possible, like infinity is possible. Nothing is too difficult to overcome, and I’m not alone. I feel connected to the past, present, and future as I write the skeletons in my closet and the golden light peeking through the windows in my mind.

I had way too much fun with that last question haha. Alight, now I have to nominate ten other bloggers. That is going to be hard. So first I’m going to write down my ten questions fir my nominees to answer.

1. If you could have dinner with one celebrity that has passed who would it be and why??

2. What’s the happiest moment in your life so far??

3. Why did you start blogging??

4. If there was a soundtrack to your life what five songs/artists would be on it and why??

5. What’s your dream job??

6. If you could drop everything right now and go anywhere in the world would you?? If yes, where would you go?? If no, why not??

7. Do you have any regrets?? If so, what do you regret??

8. Coke or Pepsi??

9. If you could live the life of any fictional character from a book, movie, or TV show, who would it be and why??

10. Are you superstitious?? (Ex. no walking under ladders, Friday the 13th, broken mirrors etc.) Why or why not??

Okay, now here are my nominees:
http://theryanberry.wordpress.com

http://jclu4ever22.wordpress.com

http://bessyontz.wordpress.com

http://thelifeofchen.wordpress.com

http://apoliticalstand.wordpress.com

http://tiffanygail.wordpress.com

http://livinghonestly13.wordpress.com

http://capitalkblog.wordpress.com

http://pineandpaper.wordpress.com

http://thesouthernsky.wordpress.com

These are the blogs I find worthy of nomination. There are so many others I wish I could have nominated, but I can only nominate 10. Good luck to all my fellow nominees and thank you Em for nominating me!! You are officially an awesome person.
-adviceateleven ❤

No Title


Sometimes life just sucks. At the moment my milestone thing says that I will be going camping tomorrow, well it’s wrong. I didn’t really want to go camping in the first place. DOn’t get me wrong here, I love camping, but honestly, my brothers would’ve been off riding there bikes the whole time, my dad and stepmum would’ve done their own thing, and then I’d be left all alone. (Like always). Well tomorrow I have an orthodontist appointment and Wednesday I have voice lessons. My dad made the ortho appointment so he admitted that it was his fault he forgot. However, my voice lessons have been scheduled for three months and I’ve only known about the camping trip for two weeks. My dad says that he has no way to get me to the voice lessons and I should just miss them. Lessons are $60, I can’t reschedule and no refunds. My dad thinks that he can just talk to my teacher and she will understand. However me and my mum have a contract with her and we both know that she does not need to be involved in this and that she will tell my father that we can not reschedule. My father is too freaking pig headed to either understand that I can’t go camping with him or to just leave the campground for two hours to drive and get me then drive back.
He’s not the greatest father, but to be honest my mother isn’t the greatest either. Sigh, it may be a dysfunctional family but I guess It’s my dysfunctional family. Well before I cry or something worse I have to stop thinking about this. I’ve already pulled out some of my hair….. Man sometimes I feel so broken, so messed up. I’m a healthy 14 year old girl with trichotillomania, a tremor in my right hand, chronic migranes, panic and anxiety attacks. Not to mention How often I’m depressed. I guess it could be a good thing that I’m so messed up, because of it I want to help people. I want to make sure people don’t end up like me, broken because of something that they can’t control.

I guess this post is going to be another one about depression. The last time I talked about depression (the post started out with the quote “Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go”)  I told you guys that I have trichotillomania, and while it’s a disease it’s also a form of self hurt. What I didn’t tell you is that pulling my hair out isn’t the only thing I’ve done. I’ve snapped rubber bands on my wrist until I bled, I gave myself friction burns that would last for days, I’ve starved myself just to feel like I was wasting away, I’ve even dehydrated myself just for the fun of it. Oh yeah and I’ve done my fair share of cutting. No one ever noticed when I did these things to myself. Eventually I told Luke, he helped me stop. Now there is a point to this story, I don’t want you guys to feel bad for me or anything, I just want you to have living, breathing proof that you can overcome anything. I’m still not ready to share what has made me do all those terrible things, but it doesn’t matter. I used to think I had reasons to do that. I thought that my life sucked enough that I had permission to hurt myself. No matter what you’re going through, it’s not okay nor does it help, to harm yourself. There is nothing that you could go through that would make it okay to hurt yourself. Honestly, once you start doing all those things the little things become “bad” enough to hurt yourself. Like at first maybe you say you’re only going to cut this one time because you were picked on today, but then you get picked on again, so you cut again. Eventually, you get so used to running back to the blade that little things seem like they are bad enough to cut over. But nothing is actually bad enough to self harm over. Basic moral of all this, is that self harm just isn’t worth it. There is no reason you should be dragging a knife across your wrist, or sticking your hand in the flames, or skipping meals, or “forgetting” to drink anything that day so you can feel dizzy. You get the point by now I hope, if not, message me. I set up an email for this thing (adviceateleven.gmail.com). And just a reminder, I love you guys
-adviceateleven ❤

New Stuff


Okay, I’m going to put myself out there. Close my eyes and really take a leap of faith. What I’m going to do could either be steroids to my confidence or be another wrecking ball hurtling towards the torn and shredded self esteem left in me. Alright so I’m being a wee bit melo-dramatic. All I’m really going to do is add tags to my posts. I hope that by adding tags, my blog posts will pop up on like search engines and what not. You know you type in, tags, and there this post is.

Anyways, I’m in a good mood. It may be late at night, I may be surrounded by crumpled and crushed kleenex due to my allergies to who knows what, and yeah I may have just been bawling my eyes out (no doubt I’ll be paying for that when I wake up with red, puffy eyes). However I have not let the current circumstances put a damper on my mood. Yup, it’s all sunshine, unicorns, and pretty music. (Plus I still got my sense of humor!!) So due to my blissful temperament I’m going to update you guys on the good in my life at the moment.

So, the sunshine I would say is this song I’ve been listening to. It also happeneds to be the cause of my uncontrollable crying. This song is pretty old, but regardless of its age I intend to learn how to sing this song, and I have been practicing for days. Lovely by Sara Haze is this song that I am head over heels for. Its meaning is simply put yet beautifully said with a cascading voice and soft piano tones. I’m absolutely enchanted by this song.

Next, the unicorns. Which would also be yet another reason for my tears. I’m starting some summer acting classes at a collage close by. I’m so excited, yet it means I will have to give up time well spent with my friends. Also, the next week I’m going to a sleep away camp. No phone, computer, or friends.

Ah the pretty music (I guess this one should be the song but whatever, it’s my blog I do what I want haha). The pretty music would have to be Luke. He makes me happy and he happens to be the reason the bawling stopped. Who would have thought one smile he put on my face could turn around my night completely?? I sure didn’t. I don’t know how he does it, he makes my heart feel like it’s having helium pumped into it and any second my body will join my head in the clouds. Of course it isn’t always picnics on cloud nine. Every once in a blue moon we disagree, and we get depressed, and I fear he will realize that there’s no way in this universe I will ever be good enough for him. How he puts up with me, is a mystery I’ll probably never solve, and one I don’t think I want to solve.

Dang, do I sound like a lovesick puppy or what???????? Actually can I be a lovesick kitten?? I think they’re cuter haha. (I’m kinda hoping he doesn’t read this post…. I sound so girly and eh needy, ehhhh my good mood’s gone I’m seriously considering deleting this entire post and just crying again. No, I said I would put myself out there, well world here I am) Okay so now that my pep talk to myself is over I will get to the meaning of this post. Basically there’s so much freaking bad in this world of ours. Crying, allergies, divorce, poverty, starvation, death. But man, just look at the wondrous good as well. Music, education, a smile when it seems as though you’ll never experience anything other than a frown ever again. Yeah, there’s a heck of a lot of bad, but the good is worth sticking around for, trust me.

-adviceateleven ❤